This means not the end; it is just a goodbye
Eda got both my 25,000 & 26,000 kiribans... lol 
I'll draw her something nice 
mesitka got the 28k kiriban and now I owe her a picture too... 
30,000 kiriban caught by IM-SteelAngel 
31,000 kiriban goes to MEEEEEE weeeeeeee 8D - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First will go non-abstract things... agreed?
...
Today, I taught Sheimi yawn on cue!
You don't believe me? See the videos by yourself!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzIjK5…He is so clever, makes me so proud
Kosice are
terrible. I totally hate it here, and it's not only that I'm biased.
You know, I was even packed to leave that doghouse (we call it also cvokhaus - loony bin), but at last, the plan failed. And I gotta say that I was glad, because as much as I want to LEAVE, I was scared of moving. To another stranger, a man, alone, and on top of that - only for a month.
But... have I mentioned that Dasa (one of the "girls" I live with) is a complete whore? It's not like I was fretting, but... imagine the person that irritates you the most... then imagine them making it even worse on purpose... and then imagine you had to actually
live with them.
Oh yeah.
Oh! You don't know that Sheimi had his leg broken, right? So, yeah. That was her. Her dog, I suppose. She refused to pay for the operation even when it was horribly obvious that it had been her monster-dog (HUGE one). Which isn't even her, but that's another chapter.
Now Sheimi's leg is better - he has the bandage removed for a couple of weeks already. I am glad, because I'm quite enjoying walks with him when I'm alone in this goddamn city, especially during weekends.
On another news - another rat has joined us! :
D
There was a notice on the noticeboard in dorms that someone sells their rat for €1,3. So well, I got the idea and called there - and it was
exactly how I thought it would: a girl bought herself a rat and then some unexpected problems occurred, leaving her without any other choice than to get rid of him. I don't know what her "family matters" really were, but I can guess
oh well. He was quite young, too - she said they bought him only thiiiiis little and she had him for 2, maybe 3 weeks.
Of course I took him. I thought he was b&w husky, but actually, he is a silver husky - so pretty! :
D what disturbs me is that the last time, my second rat was a silver husky as well... oh well.
But of course, the rat is a male, so I can't keep him with Sushi
but they can at least play together outside the cages :
D (which are really small, may I add
) ...and Sheimi, curious as he is, always joins them X too ad they are perfectly photo-proof xDDD;
...by the way, his name is Berry :3
(...it has been most probably "Bary" originally, but who cares... now he fits both to Sushi (as food) and to Sheimi (as from Pokemon
)
Oh yeah, Pokemons! DDD:
I LOVE MY NEW SOUL SILVER!!! >A<
...but I'd love it a lot more if Nintendo didn't consist of utter assholes who won't let us play Black & White unless we have at least DSi. Which we are NOT getting, by the way
And the Pokewalker... I loved the idea, it was cute, unless... it's pretty, but useless :[ too little free unlockable paths - one trek with Shay and dog-friends was enough to unlock all four (or such) at once
;;;;;;; L.O.L.
Also I hate the idea of the Pokemons gaining levels there - you miss on the attacks! I lost the opportunity on my Mareep like this, and now she is on level 15 or such and is still totally useless
and you don't get effort value points - nothing. Ewww.
I am failing two classes (and since today, three tests) by now. And it will be worse :
D I hate this city. I know it's not its fault, but the city and school are connected, of course. And especially in my mind.
I wanna go home~
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...Which brings me to what I originally wanted to write. I'm gonna write this as illigibly as I can (small font, n paragraphs, loooong wall of text), because lately, I'm not exactly too fond of the idea of sticking my heart onto some internet page - the profile page, even. Because lately, I -more than ever- feel like I've been faking everything. You know... it sucks, because it seems like I can't really find out which of the two of my faces is real. Lately, I feel like all the kindness in my comments and actions was fake and somewhat compulsory, but also that my "thoughness", which I demonstrate IRL was only feigned and I'm just a rude, weak kid with big mouth. I want to believe that I'm wrong - that the real me is the one you believe it is - the sweet one, the one who can find something positive on everything, who can criticize your pictures without bringing you down, because she will finish the comment with something nice. The one who knows everything about dogs, one who will try to be the voice of reason when you are in row with somebody, whether in real or internet fight. The one who'll go out with you, or on sleepover, and will go shopping, fight with bokens, make bets, buy you an ice cream, draw, laugh, lie in grass with you. The caring one who will cook for the whole "family" (which I think we were <3 ) while they are having fun in the next room, and who will be happy to be of use. The one who will tell you what is wrong in your sketch, the one who'll install that not-working program for you, the one who tries her best to give you an advise to help you out of trouble, the one who will walk you home and be glad for the opportunity to spend time with you. The one on whose shoulder you can cry when your whole life goes wrong. When I think of those things, I remember all the precious years I spent with you, may they be only two or such. With you, with my Narusho people. Hibirds. My family; my friends. And I miss it really, really terribly. You remember AnimeShow? I came because I wanted to see everyone so badly. It hurts to not have anyone to go out with, especially when you were used to be with loads of people, every day. The heartache reminds me the one I get when thinking of The Play. I miss that terribly, too. And the worst on it is the thought that I'll never get to experience it again... all the sleepless nights, when we spent hours and hours talking - talking nonsense, and at the same time, talking the greatest stories of all. They weren't just stories - they were another lives. My heart ached every single time someone was grieving there, or broke up with somebody (that used to happen a lot XD ), or just felt plainly bad. It hurt every time I knew that my character wanted something (or someone) that they could never get. Or when they were on the other end - they couldn't give what someone else wanted. The pain was real, may the characters be not. I know it's weird, but... when, once, you become a great mangaka, you will find out that you care about all your characters just the same amount - a whole lot :>
And even despite I'm sure all those things were real... are they now? I feel like a shell. Always saying how hard the school is being, but never really learning. Pretending to care, but studying only hours before every exam, hardly even managing to read everything. (Have I mentioned that I got another test in... 12 hours? I never looked into the materials.) Having no time for anything, procrastinating badly... but for what? Because of school? No... Because I hardly devote any of my time to school, to be cruelly honest. Is it because of the Internet? What on earth am I doing here the whole hours? Oh yeah, I remember... I sit here, refreshing the stupid message centre and gmail every fucking two minutes. Every day! I'm waiting for a nice comment from a stranger. A long one... a known person wouldn't work, I need someone to set on my curiosity. Or maybe a friend would work, but it has to be long. And then I reply. And then? When I get the reply back, I pile it up, in the stock of millions alike messages. Maybe I will even read it, but I never answer. I'm very happy that I've got the reply I kept waiting for - and it doesn't bother me that I don't get another because I never replied myself. It's disgusting, in my opinion. I disgust myself, isn't that precious? Yeah... and that's why you never see anything from me in your inbox anymore... that's because I don't draw anything anymore, why you haven't received your kiriban prize yet, that's because Sheimi's webpages haven't been updated for evar, that's why we still don't have blue merle Sheltie adoptable on Squiby. Because I am lame like that and always seek excuses instead of actually moving my ass and do some goddamn business. That's why I'm starving, because I can't get a part time job. My favorite phrase? Something along the lines - "yep, I'm almost finished, leave me be". I need to get a part-time job and I need to find somewhere to live next academic year. I have a shitload of stamps on my profile, messed up without order, and a shitload of "new" messages in my inbox. All of them. DevArt, gmail, YouTube, LiveJournal, FanFiction.net, y!Galz... you name it. Fuck. Why can't I get myself to do anything? Argh. But that's probably who I am. Egoistic, self-centered, lame-humored, ironic, insulting bitch. Who is a bitch to everyone without exception. Upsetting my friends like that, making strangers hate me, leading people who know me to banning me. Making myself foes, which I never had. You can't imagine how sorry I am that seemingly 98% of people can't get what I'm saying, I mean..č. will get it differently from me. And what angers me the most is that I can't blame them - if someone was so mean to me, I would probably rip them apart with my teeth myself. It's the thing Janka (the one with Yaschka the Rough Collie) surprised me the most with, when she said that she gets my humor and likes me for being honest and straight, even when for most people I am too straight (which is kinda weird, considered I'm basically queer XD ). It's nice, but... I don't feel that way. She somehow automatically ranked me into her category "people with good heart" (which, by the way, is a very good way of sorting people "into boxes"), but I don't feel that way. I am especially upset when I think of things I sometimes do to Sheimi, when I'm very angry and he doesn't know what I'm expecting of him. And when I'm angry, what enrages me even more is when the subject of my anger is showing weakness - apologizing, crying, in dog's case giving their paw, licking their face or my hands, cowering, pissing. And then, when I hit them, squealing and whining. I beat the dog even when I'm fully aware of that I shouldn't do it. I bite him in the ear because I know it hurts him the most. Are you still reading? Because that is me. THAT is why I am feeling so bad about myself. Loosing my anger on the one I love the most. The one who isn't guilty! The one I've always longed for, and I still do, whenever I'm parted. The same goes for Eda. Remember my Creek fics? The ones based on Puds' original? I could write in Craig's perspective so well because it was exactly how I felt. About two years ago, it was what I feared the most - that I would lose it and hit her. I so didn't want to hit her. Then why don't I have an issue like that with Sheimi? Why I am even able to raise my hand against him? It pisses me off. I piss myself off. It's unbelievable how cruel I can be. I want to write "how cruel a person can be", but I'm goddamn well aware of that it's about one concrete person.
...heck. I have a problem there. Okay... I will go to my psychologist to prescribe me something to keep my anger in control with. How comes that I've realized only now? It was so simple... dude.
Dude.
You can't imagine how happy I've just become. To realize that one simple thing could keep Sheimi from suffering, to keep me from severing the strong bond we share. I probably believed that I can deal with it by myself. Just like with cursing. If you're not Slovak, you don't know how much I'm cursing. And three years ago, a word like these wouldn't even leave my mouth. I was a nazi when it came to cursing, just like I am a grammar one. I want to stop cursing, but I can't. I keep telling myself that I can, because many years ago, I've managed it. But I'm not so strong anymore... I hope all this questioning of myself is just a part of puberty and it will eventually fade away. I want to keep in being what I used to be... I've always respected the laws a lot. But now I respect the laws so much that I simply won't repeat the command to the dog, and then when he doesn't obey (because he's probably forgotten what I originally wanted while trying some other things) for longer time I get frustrated and hit him. It's really awful... Ironically, I like to be the one to teach people about clicker training and non-aggressive methods of training your dog. Because I know it all. And it worked, just... just. I don't know. And the school is making it even worse. Especially anatomy lessons... I somehow lost the compassion I used to have during the dissections, now I try to justify my harsh actions by the questionable "laws" of dominance without even checking twice... but I don't want to be my dog's boss. I want to be his partner, his best friend, just like he is my best companion. Will I ever be good enough for him?
Will I?
God... please, let this be a nightmare.
I want to wake up already. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Create your own visitor map!
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My best DA friends:
My girlfriend, my sister, my Dearest Uke, my twin-soul, and then my chibis:
[You dare touch any of them and I'll cut off your hand, because I'm merciful. Touch them the second time and I'LL BITE YA TO DEAD]
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My FCs:
The FCs I'm in:
...
I am Ike in the
South Park Crew on dA
"The Best", all my FCs and the other stuff:
shel-chan.deviantart.com/journ…
Newer 'The Best' journal with the requests and stuff:
shel-chan.deviantart.com/journ…
...
), but now Im moving somewhere else (still dont know where, too)...And Im a bad procrastinator